On Life + Death

It’s an epic act of courage, faith and resilience to simply exist. We are born into these bodies, gifted with the capacity to love, connect and feel exponentially, yet promised nothing but the inevitable disintegration of it all. I’ve found that the more I open my heart to the full spectrum of this mysterious human experience, and peer into the depths of both life and death, the wider my heart expands and the more I can hold.

I called the suicide prevention hotline twice before I got the courage to talk to a loved one. The thought of leaving this life felt like relief in contrast to the cyclical thoughts and feelings I didn’t yet have the skills to navigate. But sharing what I thought was my darkest secret, and having it lovingly held by another being, showed me that what I was feeling was okay. It showed me that looking directly at my life, and compassionately allowing ALL of my darkness in, could be seen as just another part of the dance here. Just another expression of life. Once exposed to the light, this feeling of despair lost some of it’s gravity. Shame loves the dark, and sharing my experience cracked open what I thought was a dense, unchanging, forever feeling and showed me that it too, would change.


I’ve since learned that through sitting quietly and observing my internal world, that fear, anxiety, loneliness, joy, elation, love, excitement, despair, gratitude, inspiration, suicidal thoughts — it’s all just energy flowing through me, and it changes. I’ve also learned that behind it all is calm, abiding, awareness. I’m learning that I can rest here in this awareness, even as the waves of emotion flow through me. I can feel and hold it all. I’m learning that I can trust my unique experience of life here.

Know that each of our unique expressions are intrinsically valuable. There is nothing we need to DO to earn our place here on this planet. Know that our hearts beat along side one another, and that if we might have ONE duty here, it’s to intimately get to know ourselves, love those around us, reflect their inherent goodness back at them, and in moments of need, help carry each others burdens.

Its an epic act of courage, faith and resilience to simply exist. The suicide prevention hotline number is 1-800-273-8255 - available 24/7 365. You can always direct message me too. I love you, it’s an honor to be here with you 🌎#SuicidePreventionMonth #SuicidePreventionDay